never wasn't important anyway


i'm lost again, somewhere where there's too much light to the point of being blinded. the bizarre, gummy feeling of time crawling past me and not taking me with it. usually it flows, doesn't creep, but what can you do. it's like i'm not meant to move along with time. it feels off, inhuman. machinelike, but not even machines escape time. nothing does. nothing is supposed to.

i dreamed of the snow boy last night. that was...unexpected. but maybe it's not. i miss him terribly. there was an immediate connection between the two of us, we both felt it, and then i was gone like melted snow. it's like whenever my heart wants something, my body betrays me, and vice-versa. i honestly don't do it on purpose; it's becoming too bewildering to even think about. almost every time except once. i can't comprehend it.

i sit in a timeless bubble, filled with my magical girls and my dolls, largely alone. the black dog skulks around the edges of things, glaring at me with those glowing red eyes, but i'm not going to feed it in the way it wants to be fed. things outside are stormy and strange, but they have been for a long while now; i can distract myself from it if i try very, very hard.

this is not an ending of any sorts -- i don't think -- but i can't see through the mists into what the future might or might not be. summer tends to be like this. there's so much to do, but we're in the dog days of it. they're always stronger in australia; after all, here, Sirius never sets.

130119 3:23afternoon