Breathing in carefully, listening to songs that made my heart sing...during the year that was. And wasn't.
Ten years ago, now. My body was mine, then it wasn't, then it was filthy. Chasing cherry-blossom coloured illusions; no one told me that sakura contained cyanide. I found home, but I was locked in a tower again. The key to the door was so very complicated, and the gaolers...
Ah, who really knows. So many thoughts. All of them a mess, because of the headache (72 hrs and counting). Going back, grasping things, becoming a person. But I'm...I'm not afraid, not really. More apprehensive. Is it because I temporarily have to take room in the tower once again? Who knows, who knows.
I don't know.
Maybe I don't even know what I'm talking about, right now.
(What kind of introvert sickens when she's been away from people for too long?)
so I can wear honesty like a crown on my head
when I walk into the promised land
(don't fade away, my brown-eyed girl)
-- "American Dreaming" & "Don't Fade Away", Dead Can Dance
But when I walk out of the tower again, the world is mine. I'm not letting anything less than Death itself tear it from my hands this time around.