the tearing

I never wanted to be weightless like this.
I never wanted to be here, mired down with certainty.
I am watching you fade in a blur of oversaturation
Even my own tears become daggers in my throat.

I can feel the memory of the summer sun sliding her hand down my spine,
as gentle as a tyrannous monster can be, as cruel as a loving mother
I feel her bleaching the hope and wonder out of the moments we spent beneath stars,
her distant, mightier cousins, but too far to save even memory
from the way she shines heavy on all of us.

some of us she lifts. some of us she forgets.
I would have found Elysium either way, if you'd have stayed with me.

but I am here, my feet not touching the ground and the shackles around my spirit crushing me to the earth
watching you fly away into skyblue dreams
and wondering whose mistake all this is and was,
mine or yours?

I am no poet. I am a torment.
I am a crushed jacaranda blossom stamped into the pavement.
I am not a beautiful thing with wings.
I am vomiting forth aether and tangling myself numb in nothingness.
I am a mistake, and you are beyond all my words.
I spit out myself, and I sing of you.

oh, my fragile love, this should never have been.
we were untangling from the moment our fingers brushed.
I have forgotten how to tie good knots.

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