the 'a' word

I wish that
every word
did not feel
as dangerous
as picking up shards of smattered stained glass
with already-lacerated fingers

{ watch as I smear ichor all over
  my attempts to pretend I can be
  a convincing human girl. }

I wish that
my heart
would not twist
at possibilities
all of them foolish attempts to see into the future
as if it truly has that ability

{ watch as the most basic movements
  become what decides between
  life & death, supposedly. }

I wish that
I could
stop wishing
to not feel.

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